Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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