Whod you bang
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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