There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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