It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
