My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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