we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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