dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
