dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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