how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
