I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
