If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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