Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
