Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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