I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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