Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
