Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
