what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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