Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
