I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
