Im at strip club and am horny
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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