I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
