I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
