last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
