before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
