Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
