Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
