new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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