I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
