was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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