Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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