apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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