Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
