Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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