So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
