the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
