I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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