I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
