on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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