he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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