my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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