I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
