My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
