So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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