About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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