hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
