Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
