last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize