It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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