That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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