I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm passing your future prison.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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