I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
