So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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