I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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