dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
