Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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