just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
