Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
