Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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