i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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