So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
