DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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