My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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