I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
