It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
