I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just cut my nipple shaving
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Randomize
