So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
