sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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