There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize