Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
