Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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