Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize