I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Acid is not a monday night drug
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
