i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
