It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
