Sacagawea was the original milf.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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