It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
