Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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