This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
