i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
