i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
