You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
And then he peed in my hair
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